If you ask any woman struggling with fertility issues what her goals are, the answer is very straight forward and simple… to get pregnant and have a healthy baby.
Even if the question is posed differently, projected into the future or past, the answer likely remains the same. What were your goals last year? Or where do you see yourself in five years?
A baby. I want to get pregnant and have a baby.
As many of us know, the goal of getting that positive pregnancy test and having a successful healthy pregnancy begins to supersede almost everything else. The passage of time becomes the most salient subtext in the lives of those struggling with infertility. In many ways, life goes on hold. As times passes without fertility success, the pressure, heartache and shame build and naturally the desire for a baby strengthens. (It’s unfortunate that the only real measure of success from a medical perspective in this perspective is a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby. This measure leaves little room for those struggling to notice everyday achievements in the rest of their lives)
Here are four techniques which I have observed in my practice and through my exposure to women having difficulty with conception that can help bring transformation to your journey as well as an approach to opening a new time line and getting what I call “back to you.”
Letting Go
“Just let go. Let go of how you thought your life should be, and embrace the life that is trying to work its way into your consciousness.” – Caroline Myss
Easier said than done, but this completely makes sense. There is a freedom when we can calm ourselves just enough to notice something else happening. Perhaps there is a new option which we never saw before? When we are stuck seeing things one specific way, our emotions distorts our ability to see things in a flexible way. Life start to appear fixed and permanent. Practicing what is known as “Letting Go Coping” is helpful to release the heaviness of the experience. (Letting Go Coping isn’t about letting go of our dream to have a baby, but letting go of those thoughts and behaviours that no longer serve us.)
Move your body
“I mean I love movement. I mean the energy that comes from the way I move. We get energy from how we move. I mean the control I get from knowing everything about how my body feels and how it is working.” – Conor McGregor
This makes perfect sense coming from Conor McGregor, a professional mixed boxer and martial arts artist. The idea of controlling our body through movement and the breath is empowering. We have the capacity to activate healing, calming hormones. Fertility yoga, breath-work and meditation are tools that allow us to let go in our bodies, creating new connections! So start moving your body.
Do Nothing For a Day
“The answers you seek never come when the mind is busy, they come when the mind is still, when silence speaks loudest.” – Leon Brown
Do nothing for a day. Sounds boring? Nonsense. This practice is what is needed in order to get off the survival mode and back to yourself. Doing nothing may mean staying off Dr. Google or saying “no thank you” to an event because it feels triggering. The idea is to tap into releasing any mental and physical pressure. See what it’s like to not do anything and to stay still with the mind and heart. You may find it interesting what comes up for you. Take notes.
Self Care, Self Care, Self Care:
Self-Care is an important part of any treatment protocol. Nurture yourself. Feed your body, mind and spirit. Find ways to be gentle with yourself and those around you.
The idea is simple and concise. If we can take some of our energy back from the above modalities, we will naturally feel mentally and physically stronger. In my counselling practice and Mind-Body Fertility groups, I always encourage individuals to explore the idea of creating a goal of “not overdoing it.” You are enough and you are doing the best you can.
Amira is a Social Worker in Toronto, Ontario. She works with individuals and couples who are struggling with infertility. Amira facilitates the Mind-Body Fertility Group at Mt. Sinai Hospital.
She is also a mother of three miracles.
For more information,
visit www.healinginfertility.ca
and find her on Twitter and Instagram.
