If you’re struggling with infertility, seeing others announce pregnancies, attend baby showers, and newborns can bring up an incredibly painful and complex emotion: jealousy.
It’s one of the most common and least talked about feelings in fertility journeys—yet it’s entirely human.
Whether you’re undergoing IVF, experiencing repeated pregnancy loss, facing a diagnosis like diminished ovarian reserve or unexplained infertility, you may find yourself asking: Why me? Why does it feel so painful when others get what I want so badly?
Why Jealousy Happens in Infertility
First, let’s acknowledge the truth: jealousy is a natural emotional response. It’s not a flaw or a failure. It doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad friend.
Jealousy, particularly in the context of infertility, often arises from a deep longing, grief, and a sense of helplessness. You’re watching others experience something you’re yearning for and that can hurt in ways that are difficult to describe.
You’re not weak for feeling this way. You’re human. Its normal.
From an evolutionary perspective, jealousy is deeply embedded in our psychology. In ancient times, access to resources; whether food, shelter, or the ability to reproduce was linked to survival. So when someone else had what we didn’t, our brain registered it as a threat. These emotional systems still exist in us today, even though our modern context has changed.
Understanding this can help shift the shame and self-blame that often accompanies jealousy.
The Problem with Pushing Jealousy Away
As humans, we don’t like feeling uncomfortable emotions. Jealousy can feel embarrassing, ugly, or even cruel—especially if it’s directed at people we love. So our instinct is often to deny it, push it away, pretend it’s not there or blame ourselves.
But pushing away emotions like jealousy, it only get intensified. It creates a cycle of guilt and suppression that can lead to isolation, depression, or even resentment.
Acceptance and awareness
How to Cope with Jealousy During Infertility
Acknowledge the Feeling Without Judgment
Try saying to yourself:
“I’m feeling jealous right now. That doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me a person in pain.” This simple act of naming the emotion with curiosity, not criticism helps defuse its power.
Practice Self-Compassion
Talk to yourself the way you would speak to a friend in the same position.
“Of course this hurts. Of course this is hard. It makes sense to feel this way.”
Compassion doesn’t mean you wallow in the feeling—it means you hold space for it without shame.
Set Boundaries Where Needed
If certain social media posts, events, or conversations trigger intense pain, give yourself permission to step back. It’s not about avoiding reality—it’s about protecting your emotional well-being.
You can support friends from a distance while still honoring your own healing.
Connect With Others Who Understand
Feelings of jealousy often come with a sense of isolation. Finding support—whether in therapy, fertility support groups, or online communities—can remind you that you’re not the only one feeling this way.
Being seen and understood by others who “get it” is incredibly healing.
As a reproductive social worker, I’ve helped countless individuals and couples work through these exact feelings. Therapy offers a safe, confidential space to explore the deeper layers of grief, longing, and self-doubt that often accompany jealousy.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Final Thoughts: You Are Not Broken
If you are feeling jealous of others during your infertility journey, please remember:
You are not broken. You are not selfish. You are not alone.
Jealousy is a signal—not of your failure, but of your deep desire to love, nurture, and create life. That is a beautiful part of you.
Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself room to feel, to grieve, and to hope. And most of all, know that support is available, and you don’t have to walk this path in silence.
If you enjoyed reading this blog, you would be interested in our upcoming Mind-Body Fertility Group that blooms in the fall.
