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Breathe with Fear

It’s easy to make choices out of fear. We’ve all done it. It happens fast……

It’s easy to make choices out of fear. We’ve all done it. It happens fast because we often function on autopilot. Our habitual patterns consume us. When we are on autopilot we react to fear without awareness. Instead of breathing with fear, we make a choice to get away from it.

I will never forget our embryo transfer five years ago. I was ready to have our doctor put back all four embryos. I was even justifying my reaction by telling myself, “some embryos aren’t great quality, they probably won’t stick.” Ultimately we decided to put back two embryos. Thank goodness we did.

Upon reflection I see that my thought process in that moment five years ago was a reaction to FEAR.

Our fears intercept with the natural flow of energy that is inside of us. If we are not aware of fear based thinking, our decisions may not always align with the basic goodness and personal truth inside of us. As a result, both our mind and body will likely constrict. This is certainly not a conducive environment for conception to occur.

Our bodies are absolutely amazing. What we tell ourselves and how we look at the world manifests physically inside of us. Lucy* (name has been changed) was a 38-year old woman I worked with who conceived her two girls through many rounds of IVF- 7. She ended up getting pregnant naturally when her youngest was three months. This story is not unusual.

When we want something so badly, and it’s not coming to us with ease, our emotional arousal impacts our cognitive flexibility. We become stressed, our bodies become tight and constricted. We are not at our most optimal functioning.


When we are still we give ourselves the opportunity to tune in to what’s really important. We get back in touch with our basic goodness and our personal truth. It might start with just the smallest whisper of hope, but gradually over time, we start to know what is right for us again.

As we tap into the breath throughout the day, we remember the calm that we are capable of. By continually reminding ourselves of this calm, we are able to think more clearly about what is real.

As children we are open, wise and unguarded – our true selves. Gradually as we navigate through this life, we develop habitual patterns of protecting ourselves from anything deemed bad or painful. We learn to seek pleasure and flee from pain. We learn to build protective layers around us. We forget what is important and who we really are. When we are still, we are able to tune back in again to a wisdom and hope that is always there. This is a much healthier position to be in when making big fertility decisions.

Amira Posner

Amira Posner is Clinical Social Worker with a Bachelor and Masters Degrees in Social Work from the University of Manitoba. In addition to working with individuals, couples and families providing therapy in a secure and safe setting, she is a member of the Ontario Association of Social Workers (OASW) and Ontario College of Social Workers and Social Service Workers (OCSWSSW). Amira is also a certified hypnotherapist.

Amira Posner

July 7, 2023 • 3 minutes

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