Loving kindness is a powerful type of meditation focused on developing compassion towards ourselves and the people around us. In traditional meditation, the focal point of our attention is often the breath or a specific body part. With loving kindness, the focal point is directing warmth and compassion towards ourselves and to those people around us.
Loving kindness meditation is not about fixing a problem or making things better, but it is an acceptance of everything just as it is, in the moment. Loving kindness is a security blanket we can grab when we are feeling “out of control or scared.”
Many of the individuals I see in my counselling practice devote large amounts of their time and energy into trying to conceive but often, these women lose sight of the most important piece: self love ❤ and compassion. When the fertility quest is not working, rather than nurturing ourselves, we beat ourselves up by feeling as if we are the problem and that something is wrong with us. We may ask ourselves, Why is this happening to me? Why isn’t this working? What’s wrong with me? Why me?As time goes on, our sense of self “as the problem” begins to dominate the journey. We shift into survival mode where our daily life becomes one big medical emergency and there is an increased mobilization to fix the problem. This is the exact time when we need to begin caring for ourselves wholeheartedly with compassion and loving kindness.
Loving kindness is a form of meditation that can calm the deepest worries and fears; it re-balances feelings of jealousy, anger and doubt. Through loving kindness mediation, we give ourselves permission to turn inward, reconnecting with kindness and love. As we actively give ourselves compassion and acknowledge our own suffering, the critical, anxious voices soften. Our uncertainty and insecurities are still there, but we experience them differently. When we invite loving-kindness into our lives, what once felt unbearable to deal with becomes a little more manageable.
“Practicing loving kindness in times of calm and blessings allow us to function mindfully in times of sorrow and pain.”(Kristina Neff, 2018)
Let’s try it: Superimposing a feeling of loving kindness towards ourselves is a good place to start feeling some self-compassion.
The benefits of evoking this type of loving-kindness feeling have been researched both on a physiological and emotional level. The results are astounding. Actively decreasing our stress response, lifting our moods and instigating connection and empathy are the end product of the experience of loving-kindness.
The loving kindness meditation is short and simple: “May I be happy. May I be well. May I be safe. May I be peaceful and at ease.”
You can start the mediation by reciting it to yourself, for yourself. After you say it to yourself, envision someone close to you with whom to say the meditation. You can even pick someone who you are having difficulties with and see the benefits readily. Picture this person in your mind and recite the meditation to that person.
Check out this fabulous recordings on loving kindness: https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/loving_kindness_meditation#
Amira is a Social Worker in Toronto, Ontario. She works with individuals and couples who are struggling with infertility. Amira facilitates the Mind-Body Fertility Group at Mt. Sinai Hospital.
She is also a mother of three miracles.
For more information,
visit www.healinginfertility.ca
and find her on Twitter and Instagram.
