Dealing with infertility is stressful. Trying to have a baby can sometimes feel like a full time job. Those early cycle monitoring mornings can do a number on our minds. We desperately try to find out what our problems is, searching for the reason we are not able to get pregnant. Dealing with infertility forces us to experience uncertainty. Feelings such as fear and doubt can become pronounced and overbearing.
I remember my own journey clearly. I wanted to crawl under my covers and hide there forever. I felt limited and deficient. Like many women, I had internalized my infertility diagnosis and actually started to believe that something was actually wrong with me. My own self-judgment along with my desire to have a baby took over. All I wanted was to be normal and have a baby. What I failed to realize is that I was just fine the way I was.
The experience of infertility is often all encompassing and at times debilitating. If this sounds familiar, please know that what you are feeling is completely normal. There are tools you can use to shift your life into a more positive place despite the uncertainty and the constant desire of wanting something you don’t yet have.
When our minds focus on our limitations and the need to fix the problem, we strengthen the idea that we are not ok the way we are. Meditation is a powerful tool that can help shift the way we experience ourselves and combat our own negative self-judgments. Eliciting a feeling of acceptance, even for just for just a moment, alters our bodies on a physiological level. It also changes the way we experience life and relaxes both our body and mind. As we start with accepting moments, our own judgments about ourselves diminish. We learn to watch. We learn to listen. We learn to allow. Are you able to elicit a feeling of acceptance? Even for just a moment?
Sit comfortably. Hold a posture that embodies confidence and peace. With your eyes closed and body as relaxed as possible, begin to notice your breath and the natural flow of air in and out of your nose. As you breathe in, say the words self-love. As you breathe out, repeat these words. As you breathe in slowly, internalize these words and allow your body feel fully accepted and loved. Fully accepted and loved by you! Envision a colour liquid (I often use turquoise because it is my favourite – but try different colours and see what works for you). Let the liquid enter your body through your nostrils and travel through your blood stream to each organ and body part. This liquid has healing properties that fortify the feelings of acceptance and self-love.Allow yourself to remain in this state for as long as possible. As thoughts come into your mind, acknowledge them and then let them go. The first time you try this, you may feel silly. You will likely start to judge yourself immensely. Just return back to accepting the moment.
Start with five minutes a day and work up to twenty. Until we accept ourselves for who we are, we will continue to identify with our so-called limitations. With our new perspective, we can start to see past our own self-judgment. Learning to be with what is, instead of wanting or wishing that things were different, allows us to continue on life’s journey– instead of resisting the journey. We can all consciously plant the seeds of mindfulness and non-judgmental awareness. These seeds will allow us to continue our journey towards fertility, in a healthy and happy way.